Occurence
I promised to blog if the plan to meet Syamim happened. So it did. I'm only blogging about it now cuz I didn't have a good time to sit and internalize what I got from the meeting.1. I didn't see her for over 4 years. We met in KGV and were placed in the same class in form 4. We were both new in the school. But Syamim had things a bit rough for her at the school. Mostly it was due to her appearance and the kind of peers she mingled with back in her old school.
2. Only some knew the conflicts she had in herself in order to get accepted there and horrible things some students decided to pull on her. It wasn't fair and didn't seem rational in any way possible. But they were school kids and none of us knew any better. She never really fit in.
3. But she stayed. Being a new kid in school was not a pleasant experience especially when people there already have their own groups. It makes socialising harder. Breaking the ice took over a year. Lol. But I was lucky, I never really had much problems fitting in. Most of the emotional distractions I went through was probably due to hormones and dialogues I like to have in my head.
4. That was just a bit of what we had to go through. Our experiences were not exactly the same but the main thing is it's hard to break the wall between new and old students.
5. SPM was not a good experience neither for me nor Syamim. I forgot how to study like I read stuff but it didn't stick in my head. The thing is, things may be bad for us during SPM, however, Syamim has changed. She doesn't know the existence of my blog but I'm telling you guys what she's like now.
6. She's a neeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrdd. Eek. HAHAHA! She was grateful when she got to do her diploma in Kedah which is like far from Seremban and she got to start fresh. No one knew her and she worked hard. Now she's doing her degree and she makes notes even when she goes back home.......... those notes aren't for exams, just for her reference/understanding (I guess she's doing another set of notes for finals??). Um, she's determined and nerdy. Grades all flying colours. Lol.
Just some pictures of us.
8. So our 3-day debate bootcamp ended today. I learnt so much. To be honest, the reason my progress has not been rapid is because I don't do stuff. I didn't take time to reflect on debates I had. The only effort/change I made was read some from bbc and fb articles which are pathetic. Like I didn't put my head in the game I don't know guys. I just feel like I couldn't care less about debate. Bleh bleh. I saw the path I should take to get there or I got the glimpses of things I should grab in a debate like how do you come up with real questions about the debate, analysis a bit off cuz I don't do extensive reading and *okay I wanna say manipulating too but I don't think it's a good thing but yeah, manipulation ;P*
In short, I am not giving my all. But now I want to change. Let's just try and see what happens. Penat jadi loser. :(
9. Another thing, I had a strong urge to destroy my drawing just now. What even. I feel like I have been bottling up so many things in me I am barely able to hold them in anymore.
You know. I just want to let go. Fuck, I wanna go for a swim and tire myself so badly so I won't even have time to overthink!!
I am so tired of not being able to properly express myself. I always feel angry at some people for things they do but when confronted with, I just turn mellow. I feel like it's not the best thing to do (getting angry) but then later, all these things slowly eat me up inside when I don't let them out. And I go depressed. I just feel like leaving everything and be gone. GONE!!
